Over the past 8 years or so, I’ve struggled with the concept of happiness.
What is it?
What does it mean to be happy?
What do you need to have to be happy?
How do we get it?
How do I get it?
I’ve read countless self-help books and articles and had conversations with my friends and family, but still, the struggle to fully understand it was there. But why is it just the past 8 years that happiness even became a question, when did I start searching for happiness instead of just living it? I’m a pretty happy person!
If you’ve already read my about page, you’ll know that my life isn’t exactly where I thought it would be at 30 (insert gasp emoji, yep I just said it out loud for the first time).
As I stood in the bubble that was college with my life-long best friends, tossed my blue cap high to the sky, and watched the gold tassel with a metal ’09 attached to it fall to the ground, the future seemed fairly predictable. I would go home, work for the summer, move to a new city, eventually move with my boyfriend, have a job doing something that used my [vague] communication degree, get married to said boyfriend, have house, have kids, have white picket fence, you know the drill.
There was a sense of stability and security in this seemingly predictable future, which enabled me with an ability to live in the moment, to really do what made me happy with little worry, to live a little lighter, and to embrace a more worry-free life.
Over time, the security bubble started to burst, and the unknown seemed to be the thing only predictable thing in my life. Relationships ended, my career didn’t immediately sky rocket, friends moved to new cities, fell in love and into amazing relationships, they advanced quickly in their careers, my parents got divorced, I started to get interested in things that my friends weren’t interested in, and a new relationship didn’t seem to come my way.
Happiness started to seem like a long-lost journey,
depleted of stability and security of the future.
Last Friday, I turned 30, and as I sit here writing this post at a Starbucks in the heart of New York City (how lucky am I), fresh into my 30’s, reflecting on what I thought my life would look like at this ‘age’, I feel a mixed bag of emotions:
sad will he ever show up?
frustrated what do I want to do with my life?
nervous do I even have skills to offer a new job?
excluded my friends are ‘ahead’ of me in life
standing still nothing is moving forward
vulnerable what if what i want doesn’t work, what if people don’t like me?
excited New York has so much to offer!
happy my friends and family are everything, #squadgoalsachieved!
motivated i have so much to share with the world!
lucky i just traveled around the world [literally]!
energized i’m passionate about the work i want to share!
uncertain….when will I find H A P P Y?
But here’s the funny thing, I AM happy, the majority of the time. Life right now, is pretty darn great. Do I have all of the things I thought I would have at 30? No. Am I having the same experiences as my friends at the same time? No. Are there things that make me worry that I wish I could change? Yes.
Is all of that OK? YES.
As I sat there, I was reminded of something I heard in Bali:
Happiness is not the potential of future circumstances,
it is our ability to see the possibility of the current.
As a society, we tend to be very forward thinking. This, of course, has its benefits. Saving for retirement, planning for a vacation, understanding your job trajectory, planning when we’ll have children, dreaming about winning the lottery, and my favorite, just experiencing everyday daydreaming are all worthwhile things to think about, but they do not amplify our immediate happiness. In fact, they can actually diminish it by creating stories and situations that don’t exist based on real context.
However, recognizing, accepting, and embracing where you’re at right now, in this moment and the possibility and opportunity that it holds will provide happiness.
Here’s a very personal example for me. The thing I focus on most deeply in terms of the future is a relationship. I want to be in love. Yep, I said it. I want a relationship. Someone to share silly every day moments with. But I don’t have that right now, and that’s okay. What I do have right now, is the ability to go out with my friends, have fun, and embrace my passions. This is the possibility of what I have right now, and by embracing that I’m able to offer more positive energy to the relationship when it comes along.
Make sense so far?
But how to we get there when we’re trained to think about the future?
3 Ways You can Embrace Here and Now to Amplify Happiness
Express Gratitude
Gratitude helps us recognize the things in our life that make us happy right now. Try using a journal and writing down a few things at the end of every day that make you happy or that you feel grateful for. Over time, this practice will help you develop an innate sense of present happiness.
Focus on the Now
When you find yourself thinking or stressing about the future in a moment you would like to be enjoying, take a step back, and ask yourself ‘where am I?’ The answer is always ‘you are here.’ Take a look at your current surroundings and understand why you’re there and why you want to be there.
Say No!
Stop doing things you don’t want to do. Aside from commitments and doing things that make you a good human, you don’t have to say yes to every happy hour or every invitation. Taking care of you and indulging in the things that make you happy right now is so important to your mental health.
Remove Comparison
It’s so easy to look at others and wish we had what they had, but they are them and you are you. Remember, wherever you’re at, you’re pretty amazing and you’ve accomplished SO much irrespective of the accomplishments of anyone else. When you’re feeling down, think about all of the incredible things you’ve done today alone. I bet it’s more than you think!
You are in control of your destiny and your happiness. I dare you to choose happiness this week by embracing the now and see your current possibility.
If you want to learn how to tap into your inner possibility, feel free to get in touch anytime. I’d love to chat with you. And don’t forget to sign-up for my newsletter, which comes out every two weeks.