I want to talk about fear today.  Fear is a funny thing.  If you’re anything like me you pretty much fear, fear.  You fear to the point of not fearing, which ultimately keeps you from trusting the process for bigger potential. Keep going to see what I mean…

Maybe you’ve already heard the news, but in case you haven’t, here’s there deal: on May 2^nd, almost exactly one year after leaving a seemingly perfect job and traveling to Bali & Australia for 6 weeks, I found myself in a similar situation – without a full-time job.

Except this time, it wasn’t my choice.

The company that I signed on with just four months prior was closing their doors due to a real estate deal gone wrong – sigh, New York.

As I sat there taking in the news I felt a whirlwind of emotions: sadness, anger, frustration. I let the emotions settle, a deep breath, and realized in general I felt ok.

There was even a part of me that felt a bit relieved. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and released pressure. This sense of relief is a huge shift from how I felt last year, when I made a very conscious, intentional decision to leave my job.

While there’s still a sense anxiety and stress, for the most part, over the past few weeks, I have been feeling lighter, confident, motivated, and energized by my passions.  I have a renewed sense of ease and fluidity; calmness and contentment.

These are emotions which don’t come the most naturally to me.  While I have my chill moments, I’m not exactly a fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl tending to get stressed and anxious when my plan doesn’t go according to plan.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot; trying to tune in with the why?  Similar circumstances, different emotions, better energy.

Let’s take a look back at last year…

Every morning last Summer, I would wake up to my alarm at 7 am with frenetic energy running through my veins.  I’d jump out of bed with zero semblance of a morning routine and open the ten tabs on my computer (and my brain) – job applications, workshop pitches, ClassPass, blog posts, and okay Nordstrom, Everlane, and J.Crew found their way up there too.  I would jump from one tab to the next and run around NYC like a crazy person with no intention of where I was going physically and emotionally.

If you asked me how I spent those days, I could tell you the motions I went through, but I’d be hard-pressed to tell you how it felt aside from guilt, stress, and anxiety.

GUILT: I’m not at my computer ‘doing something productive’ all day

ANXIETY: Sitting in an afternoon yoga class and making home-cooked meals.

STRESS: Money. Job. Career. Success. Judgement.

Despite advice from friends and family to ‘enjoy this time’, I couldn’t relax and truly enjoy.

Like many people, I’m a creature of habit.  And for a long time despite the negative impact and how they make me feel, my habits have been anxiety and stress. Letting go of what we feel comfortable with even if they don’t serve us in the long-term is challenging.  This is when our negative emotions become us and how we present ourselves to the world.

As I’ve dug deeper into my why and using the past few weeks of travel to really reflect I’ve been able that this renewed sense of being and acting are coming from a place of releasing fear and embodying trust.

I have been so fearful of letting go of what I know…

…of how I define success

…what I’ve defined as fun for the past 5 years in NYC

…my routine, even when it’s too intense

I am fearful of losing control over my life; of what the unknown holds.

Embracing this way of thinking didn’t happen overnight, or in the past two weeks.  It’s a lot of podcasts, deep conversations, and reflection over the past few years.

Here’s what I’ve learned about fear

When I fear I stand in my own way.

Fear hinders my ability to trust.  To believe in others, outcomes, and myself.

My fear holds me back from welcoming new, great things and people into my life

It keeps me from moving into positive opportunities.

My fear tells myself and others that I’m not enough and that I don’t deserve the best.

BEYOND FEAR IS WHERE THE OPPORTUNITY LIES.

The unknown of tomorrow, next week, next month, and the far future usually holds the most amazing, life-changing experiences you could ever imagine.

But when we act and think from a place of fear we block these amazing moments and feelings from even reaching us and let our limiting beliefs control us instead of controlling them.

It’s not easy to make a shift when a fearful mindset is our comfort zone, but with practice and intention it’s possible.  This doesn’t mean you’ll never be fearful.  It means you’ll use your fear positively by arming yourself with the tools to improve.

8 Tools to Release Fear & Trust the Process for Better Outcomes

Identify What You Do When You’re Blocking

When I’m uncomfortable, unable to think effectively, or feel fear approaching in times that I really need to focus I tend to open a new tab start online shopping, Instagram, or grab a snack.

In other areas of my life like relationships, I deflect and distract myself. This usually presents itself in the form taking control and negative self-talk.

Recognizing that I do these things when I’m trying to block something, I am able to accept fear, see it, appreciate it and then move through it.

Name Your Triggers

What are the core things that you fear and why? What caused you to reach for your Instagram or talk negatively to yourself? Naming these triggers will help you anticipate when you’ll need to work a little harder to eliminate your fear.

Face Negative Emotions

Even with the best, highest quality toolkit, you’ll never not feel fearful.  That’s actually a good thing.  We’re human and meant to be fearful. Understanding and feeling your fear before eliminating it will enhance your toolkit, motivate you to feel better, and make you stronger.

Have an Action Plan for Controllable Things

This can be in the form of a to-do list, an Asana board, or on an app.

There are certain things in life we all have control over: how many new jobs can I apply to today?; how often do I want to be social?; how much money should I be spending?

I know that when I have a game plan for keeping the things that make me feel good in check, I’ll feel more confident.  For example, every week I sit down with my bank account and my credit card.  I call it my ‘get real budget’ and walk through each of my finances to see where I stand and give myself a realistic amount I can spend that week.  Sometimes I go over but it gives me more confidence when it comes to my spending.

Relive the Past Happy-Times

When you start feeling down, reflecting on the times when things went right can be powerful.  You might find that these moments happen for you more often than you think. This can help you trust yourself, the people around you, and what the universe has in store.

Journal

Just go freeform – 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night.  A few starters:

I…

feel grateful for…

am excited about…

can bring my best to the world by…

feel ______ because _____

Or you can check out my friend Katie Dalebout’s book!

Eliminate Comparison

You’re you and that’s what makes you awesome.  What means a lot to you might not mean a lot to your friend or that blogger.  Trust your intuition for what you uniquely need, want and desire.  This will give you more confidence and trust in yourself.

Use Breathwork

Breathing techniques are incredibly powerful in eliminating stress and fear and increasing resilience.  I like to simply close my eyes in a quiet space, inhale for four breaths and exhale for four breaths. There are of course more complex breathing exercises, but if you’re just getting started, I think you’ll enjoy this.

How do you release fear and start trusting the process? Tell me in the comments below!