every time i thought i was being rejected from something good, i was being redirected to something better – dr. steve maraboli

I can’t believe it’s already the end October, and we’ll soon be heading into the days and nights of cheesy Hallmark movies, mistletoe, and the sugar plums. It’s been approximately 5 months since I lost my job and boy have these months been interesting. Filled with roller coasters of emotions, some anxiety and frustration, and a whole lot of problem solving and gratitude.

If you’ve been following along for the past few months, you know that I lost my job at the end of April. If you’re new (hi :)) or haven’t heard the story, you can check it out here.

Losing your job, regardless of the reason, is hard.  Having someone tell you that in two weeks, you won’t have an income, a place to go each day, and a sense of purpose….sucks. Even if you know it’s not the place you want or need to be…it….sucks. I was never allowed to use the world ‘sucks’ growing up, but sorry, Mom, I can’t think of a better word.

Here’s why: it’s embarrassing; it bruises your ego; it makes you feel like you’re not enough; it makes you question yourself and your abilities; and it hurts.

But interestingly enough, in the moment I found out, the negative emotions didn’t appear.  Not in that moment or even the few weeks that followed.

Nope, instead, I put on my positivity pants and started eagerly applying for jobs. I had a (very intense) spreadsheet set-up with data validation to track the statuses, links, and special notes. I was very intentional about what I wanted or what I thought I wanted.

I wanted to work in marketing, in the health and wellness space with a medium-large company or well-funded start-up.

READY. SET. GO.

The first rejection felt okay. You can’t win ’em all, right? But by the 10th, 15th, and 50th I started to feel worn out, sad, and discouraged.

Even though I was working with clients, creating my own projects (being released soon!), and keeping myself busy throughout the day, sometimes the mere thought of getting out of bed challenged me. The most frustrating part about this is that isn’t me. I see myself as the type of person who is relatively self-motivated, positive, and eager.  But I couldn’t find that side of myself.  I felt like I didn’t have a true sense of purpose and self-motivation is hard.

I truly have a newfound sense of appreciation for entrepreneurs who have an idea, create a vision, hone in on their vision, and executes it. While it’s invigorating and exciting, it’s also incredibly challenging, isolating, and hard emotional work. To be straight, it is not for the faint of heart.

But everyone is different — just like each of us need different food or exercise or have different hobbies, we each work best in different ways and environments. I’ve always considered myself to have an entrepreneurial spirit and am constantly writing down new ideas in my journal or discussing potential ideas with friends, so not being able to bring an idea to fruition feels like I’ve failed in a way.

I do think that one of these days one of my ideas will feel like the ‘right’ one, what I’ve realized over the past year and a half of this career-journey is that the journey is never over. It’s consistently inconsistent, ever-changing and dynamic. And isn’t that the beautiful part about it? We can constantly reinvent ourselves – career or otherwise.  I started really tuning in what what I wanted and what made me feel uplifted.  There are definitely pros and cons to working alone and working in an office, but I ultimately realized that I wanted to keep learning from people who are smarter than me every single day; I want to collaborate with great minds and be challenged in those situations; I want to make new friends; and I want to know what it’s like running a big, successful business.  I can’t do that working alone.

I’m excited to say that I’m starting a new job TODAY! and will definitely share more about it as I dive in. I’m so excited for this new chapter and to see what this evolution has to offer and what I can offer it.

Here’s what I learned after being rejected over 100 times

Perseverance

The show must go on.  I knew that if I let myself lay in bed all day, even if that’s what I wanted at the time, that I would end up feeling worse, so I created routines for myself.  I got excited for my slow walks in the park in the morning, making myself coffee, breakfast, and my daily meditation.  Reminding myself of my end goals helped me persevere and get back up (out of bed) even after the worst rejections.

Curiosity

I had a lot of things that DIDN’T work. Way more things didn’t workout than did. As a believe that everything happens for a reason, each time something didn’t work out, I asked myself WHY. WHY did the universe (or whatever) not want me to have this opportunity; WHAT am I supposed to be doing instead? This curiosity allowed me to explore new paths and discover things I didn’t even know existed.  I learned about so many different topics and types of people.

Strength

You don’t get stronger lifting less weights. Rejection & challenges also make us strong in our minds and souls.  Being faced with adversity or a problem we has to solve makes us think in new ways and work our brains and hearts.

Crying is Good

I shed a lot of tears over the past few months. I tend to suppress my emotions, always looking for the silver lining. And yes, I think we can agree that positivity is be a great quality, but it’s really important to recognize when things don’t feel good and sit with it for until you can let it go. If we don’t let ourselves have our emotions, they stay with us instead of letting them go. If you’re anything like me, these emotions will come back to haunt you down the line.

Gratitude

Every night before bed or when I wake up in the morning, I express gratitude for things in my life: friends, family, a healthy and able body always top the list, but I also try to find things out of the ordinary, too. Expressing gratitude helps us manage more stressful emotions and approach life more mindfully.  It’s even been said to boost your immunity.

Here’s how to deal with it when it happens to you:

• Feel upset about it – cry, scream, let. it out.
• Accept the rejection for what it is.
• Ask yourself why you’re upset about the rejection.
• Understand why you were rejected…if it was a job, was it really the right one or is it your ego feeling hurt? If it was a relationship, understand what went wrong are you seeking the right people? Understanding the rejection can help you improve or change your mindset around it.
• Look for what’s next.

Rejection is not easy…actually it’s so far from it. But by learning to embrace it as a part of life and develop our coping skills can make it sting a little bit less and help us keep putting one foot in front of the other.