In 1995, when I was 8 years old, I asked my mom if Santa was real.

I remember this moment so vividly.  At least I think I do.

I was sitting on her floor doing my school reading or reading my lines for the upcoming school Christmas play and she was ironing (probably my full velvet suit with pearl buttons, yes this existed.)

I’d had an inkling for a long time that the big man wasn’t ‘real’, but I had been so nervous to ask because I didn’t want my suspicions to be confirmed. If Santa wasn’t real, what did that mean for Christmas?

So I finally, after much contemplation, I did it.  While I didn’t know it at the time, her reply was the best response I could imagine. I know you’re reading this mom (because you’re awesome like that) and that was a great mom moment.

She said, ‘what do you think?’

I replied, ‘I’m not sure, but I don’t think so.’

‘Santa can be whatever you want him to be.’

Neither of us said anything after that. I went back to reading and she went back to ironing. I wish I knew what was running through er head. Probably sadness that I was growing up or that I wouldn’t be as excited to put the cookies out for Santa. Good the thing the latter is not true, I still do this.

I knew in that moment that Santa, the person, was not real, but for me there was and always has been something so real about him/it/Christmas. The magic. 

I really should give credit for most of the magic in my life to my mom. She has the greatest sense of wonder of anyone I know and makes everything feel extra special. Extra magical. She made gingerbread men for us to decorate when we’d spend 5 minutes doing it and get bored, she’d get the music going at the perfect times, had the house smelling like a yankee candle shop (in a good way), and make decorating the tree a family affair. Thank you mom for making everything feel so magical.

We had pretty strict Christmas rules. Stockings first. No earlier than 7:30 in the morning.

So at 7:29 Christmas morning, I prepared myself. If only my meditation practice was present at this time. My nerves could have used some deep breathing. I gathered my brothers, and we tip toed down the hallway in our Christmas Eve PJ’s and down the big staircase. From the second flight of stairs, I could see the glimmering twinkle of the Christmas lights, with the backdrop of a bay window and an open field of freshly fallen snow.

Magic.

I opened up my stocking and ran into my mom’s room to tell her each and every thing I got – as if she didn’t know.

We continued to believe.

All day, together, we all continued to believe. 

Maybe it’s memories, the music, the treats, the giving, or maybe it’s the way people try to be their best self.

Whatever it is, the holiday season has always been really special to me. You could even say I have an affinity for elf culture.

While externalities, Santa, Rudolph, cookies, and stories, can help us feel more emotion, the true spirit lives inside of us. The magic is something we choose to create; something we choose to believe.

I don’t think I’m going to see any reindeer flying in the sky or a sleigh in Central Park, so sometimes, we need a little more convincing, a sign that it exists.

I hope that you’ll find whatever magic means to you this holiday season and all year long.

Just like my choice to believe in Santa, we have a choice to believe in the magic of the holidays; the choice to believe that a little bit of magic can come our way.

So this Christmas, I’ll be turning up the Bing Crosby, lighting the fire place, celebrating my family & friends, and loving up on life as much as I possibly can.

If you’re struggling to find your magic, here are a few tips: 

Find The Love
In the words of Hugh Grant, “Love actually is all around.” Look for it when you don’t feel it. What is there to love? I promise, while it may feel bleak at times, it’s there.

Gratitude
Expressing gratitude for things, big or small, each day can help instill a sense of wonder or magic.

Create Your Moments 
What moments make you feel like a kid with a sense of wonder. What moments did you cherish as a child? Recreate those as silly as it may feel. Leave cookies out for Santa. Watch a Christmas Carol. Put on the holiday tunes. Watch a silly movie. Do the things that light you up inside.

Celebrate! 
We often under value celebrations thinking them to be frivolous, but their a really important part of our culture and of pure happiness. What really matters? Family. Friends. Laughs? Celebrate them. Not just for the holidays, but every day!